I’m proud to be Catholic and try to live my life by the 10 commandments. But sometimes, just sometimes, we have to do the unthinkable.
I think marriage is sacred and never in one million years would I have imagined I would be divorced. I found a great man, fell in love, we shared our faith and eventually got married. God blessed us with two wonderful children. We had a loving and wonderful marriage. Everything seemed perfect.
One day I found myself married to a stranger. I didn’t even like this man anymore. I remember thinking, “Who is this man and why is he sleeping in my bed, living in my house?” He had gone from an occasional glass of wine to more, and more, and more. I tried to talk to him and worried about alcoholism but my message wasn’t getting across. I tried sympathy, worry, love, compassion, anger, intolerance, threats: nothing worked. This was not the example I wanted my two small children to have.
It was like that for more than two years. We tried marital therapy, acupuncture (to treat cravings, my idea), yoga (again, my idea), conversations with priests, interventions, rehabilitation clinics, etc. I can say I tried it all – but this was the problem: I was trying, he wasn’t. He finally lost his job and he was completely removed from my life and our children’s lives. The children didn’t see him for days at a time, they would think he was on a trip or something. They would be shocked to see his car in the driveway. I had three priests tell me it was time to leave. “This is NOT what ‘in sickness and in health’ means,” said one. I prayed and prayed and prayed and finally decided to separate, move, file for divorce, and start a new life with my children. While extremely difficult, the divorce gave me my dignity back and saved his life.
The divorce was amicable. He didn’t have a leg to stand on, really. I gave him visitation privileges but under supervision. I didn’t trust him. What if he drank when he had the kids? While I felt compassion for my husband and an incredible amount of worry, I have to tell you I hated him. The relationship after our separation was strictly business. We endured three years of suffering and the destruction of my family, my life, my finances, a broken heart, accumulation of debt, and much worry.
He finally sobered up (if he hadn’t, he would be dead now, it was UGLY). For my children’s sake, I never spoke ill of him and I made the effort to get him Father’s Day presents and have the kids spend time with him. Boys need fathers – not drunk fathers, but he was finally sober and I caught glimpses of the man I had married.
Some time has gone by and I can honestly say that there has been a miracle. I prayed for a miracle, not the one I got, but God knows best. The miracle happened in my heart. I have forgiven him fully and my children are enjoying a different kind of family, but a family that cares for each other. He just celebrated 2 years of sobriety, he is always welcome in my house, and he spends all the holidays with us. I see him and while we are not legally married, I know he is my husband in God’s eyes. We are friends and I wish the best for him.
There must have been a lesson God wanted to teach us. I still don’t like to think of myself as “divorced” but I do like to think of myself as living the true Christian value of forgiveness. I struggle in other areas, but I can say forgiveness is wonderful. It brings peace, it sets a great example for our children, and I like to think that maybe, only maybe, I am a little closer to Jesus. I have no interest whatsoever in meeting another man. I want to dedicate all my energy to being a mother and I want God to feel pleased with the way I live my life. I don’t know what the future will bring. “One Day at a Time” is good not only for alcoholics. St. Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.”
Submitted from Alabama